Retirement Goals Aren’t All About Money
Imagine you and your partner hiking the Grand Canyon. Or watching the Nothern Lights by a campfire under the open sky. Or maybe your idea of a great day is watching a Broadway Play or exploring the streets of Italy.
WHATEVER an amazing day looks like for you, you CAN have an incredible LIFE AFTER 50 with your partner by creating your goals together.
Sound scary, or even boring? Following are 5 tips for planning as a couple that can actually create a stronger connection and bring some sizzle back into your relationship.
1. Set aside time to write your goals separately. Talk about this ahead of time so each of you can really spend time dreaming of how you would like to spend your “golden years” together. Then, plan an hour or two where you sit down and write down your goals, SEPARATELY!
Why separately? Often, we are hesitant to share what WE really want to do. We go along with our loved ones because we want to make them happy. While this is amazing, you will not experience a truly fulfilled life together if you are not honest about what experiences you really enjoy.
2. Share your goals OPENLY. You may find out something new that you have in common! You may also find that you are more aligned than you thought.
3. Compare your goals. Take note of similar ones, and also of goals that are completely different. It’s OK if you have few, or even no items that make both of your lists. This is where you can really showcase your commitment to adventure and your desire to really connect.
My husband loves cars, motorcycles, and basically anything with wheels. Going to a swap meet or car show would never be something that I put on my goal list independent of him, but going with him and learning about things that are really exciting for him is satisfying for BOTH of us! For this to work, you have to really be present…mind, body, and spirit. It is not enough to just physically go. Commit to having a great time together. I’ve learned about hubcaps, VIN numbers, paint codes, and many other interesting facts over the years by taking a real interest in things that make Doug excited.
On the flip side, he knows that I love to kayak. He has taken time to go with me, even though kayaking, especially on calms waters where I like to go, is not the way he would spend his time independent of me. But we had so much fun together!
4. Drill down to WHY each of your goals is important. THIS IS CRITICAL! If you really think about WHY you have set a certain goal, you may find that you are actually very closely aligned with each other. What I have found is that I really want PEACE in my life. When I close my eyes, PEACE for me is spending amazing time with my family. It’s holding hands while watching my grandson play. It’s sunsets and starry skies. But it’s always with the people who mean the most to me in my life.
Many times people set retirement goals because it’s what they think is expected, or they are living up to an idea of what they SHOULD do in retirement. Going on a cruise is something that many people do and love. However, it is not something that I desire. I don’t want to go on a cruise just because it’s what people do when they retire! If it doesn’t make my list or Doug’s, then no cruise for us! (This is just an example, I know many people LOVE cruises and that’s awesome!)
5. Commit to making it happen! Absolutely, undeniably commit.
Isn’t it fun to anticipate something coming along in your life? When you know you have a trip planned, have a new car on order, or maybe a grandchild on the way. The wait is part of the fun and builds excitement! If you and your partner know that you have an adventure planned, think of all the fun you can have preparing…all the conversations you will have. You won’t need conversation starters because you will naturally have plenty to talk about.
If you both want to stay close to home, garden, rock on the front porch, and watch Andy Griffith reruns, that’s awesome, but the same principles apply. Maybe you spend a little more time planning your garden together experimenting with a new herb variety. Or you decide to meet on the porch at the same time every day and watch birds.
The cost or distance away from home is not the measurement of a great adventure. The feeling of satisfaction and connection is how you measure the impact of your experiences. Real connection, personal connection that can only be found by really knowing what is important to you and those you love.
Whatever you find your retirement goals to be, keep in mind the wisdom of Brendon Burchard in his book, The Charge, “Feeling happy and energized is one thing, but being able to share that energy and enthusiasm with others you deeply care about and adore is the real hallmark of a fully Charged Life.” (p.118)
It’s not too late to live fulfilled. It’s not too late to savor life after 50!
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